Archive for February, 2007

It is amazing…truly amazing. Simply incredible, the way there are so many people in the world who have so much crap to say. So many things that don’t make sense, and if they do, then it’s not worth the trouble to know about them.

And even more amazing that so much of all the useless stuff in the wolrd, written in incomprehensible language by useless people, is all concentrated into my Intro to Philosophy reading package.

Tell me, somebody, when teachers work their asses off to make us write concisely and make our essays not only good, but easy for another to read and be impressed—tell me, why WHY, can’t people like Immanuel Kant and John Stuart Mill write that way? Can’s brilliant ideas be expressed, if not in simple words, then at least in whole sentences? Every other sentence they write trails off like this…Also, every sentence is not a sentence, but a whole paragraph. This is just not good writing, either grammatically or structurally—so how can they expect us to take an interest in their bloody articles?

 

I was forced to take this subject, and I’ll always hold the administration responsible for those wasted hours that I spent reading the articles which contradicted themselves, went around in circles, and in the end, had no impact on me whatsoever. I thought it would be interesting, like it was in ‘Sophie’s World’ (Interesting book btw, u should read it). But its nothing about the old philosophers at all…it’s just…nonsense, complete nonsense.

 

And the sexism in them! One philosopher says that ‘Man is rational and women is emotional, hence only man is human as rationality is a human attribute’, and another says that ‘one should not go near a woman without taking a whip, as women must be kept in their place’. Yep, all the male bastards in the class love it…I’d like to claw out their mocking eyes.

 

The worst thing of all is that I’m actually getting good marks in it, thanks to the relative grading system…everything is open-book, open-notes and selective reading is my specialty, so it’s going well, but I HATE IT!!

 

Another bit of good news is that my finals are starting from the 19th and I’ve studied nothing…no philosophy, anthropology, Pak. studies(another idiotic unwanted course), or macroeconomics…all I want to do is just relax and watch American Idol, God, please, why do You make my life so frustrating???

 

*sigh* I was supposed to be working on my anthropology presentation right now, but its good to get ur whining out in blogging…might as well post this.

 

 

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Where did my old life go? It’s as if everything, every remnant of it has been snatched away, and I’m too numb even too go through the memories. Memories…how I hate that word.

I don’t want memories left of anything. All I want is for my cousins to stay. I don’t want my best friends to walk around their house looking like death…and now I realize that they were my best friends, mine and my sisters. We were a group, a group of friends that depended on one another for comfort, support, humour, company, anything and everything.

In school or at home, we were a team.

Was life like a movie, four months ago? It seems like that now…the best days of our lives were spent with each other. The endless nights we spent at each other’s house, the hilarious trips home from school, and the complaints about teachers, friends, and life in general.

And then Kanwal finally got her own car from her father who was in the last stages of cancer…and no one knew. So in the middle of making plans about how we all could finally break hell on the roads of
Lahore without the driver, my cousins lost their father.

There are just some things that you can’t believe…it all seems like a bad, bad dream. That was the day when I was the only one who could attend the phone calls because everyone was either at the hospital or was completely broken. How many times did I have to say it, to the thousands of people who called “Yes, he’s passed away…didn’t survive chemo…the burial is tomorrow”.

That wasn’t me, that wasn’t a part of my life, was it?

The worst thing was the look on my cousins’ faces. That innocent, helpless look…the mask of incomprehension and unbelief and bravery.

It was a long time ago, four months, but it seems like yesterday. Now they’re moving to Karachi…there go all the fun weekends we had, the talks, the laughter, the private jokes which could only come from a lifetime of practically living with someone. We won’t be there to hug them when they couldn’t help crying, we won’t be there for them to talk to, simply because there isn’t anyone that understands them more. We won’t be there to distract them from the worry about the business, which they’re too young to be concerned with. A whole new life in another city with loads of relatives…and to think that here, they had only us…

Why is it that the painful things are the ones you can’t stop thinking about?

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